Golfing and Birthday

Ok, so my old man started to pick up golf as a hobby. For years, he has gone to the driving range to wack golf balls for fun. In the past year or so he thought that since he is approaching retirement that he needed a hobby to keep him busy and that it would be golf. He has since bought new clubs and we bought him a new bag for his last birthday. He is set to play golf!!!
Side note, my Dad has a serious problem when it comes to driving the ball. It hooks really bad or slices. He has been trying to figure out how to fix it without going to get lessons. Hasn't worked out and he is waiting for a free moment to go get some lessons. This is Crucial Information about the story I'm going to tell ya.
The story goes that my Mom has some wonderful friends up in Denver, that she has known since high school. We have in one way or form have celebrated major milestones in each family. This family's oldest daughter was having a surprise Birthday party for her husband. I say surprise because she is going to announce to her step dad and husband that she is pregnant with her first! She asked my family to come up to join in on the party. My mom and brother initially went up and then after some convincing my dad and sister went up later on in the week. That is another funny story for later.
So my Dad decides to go up since my mom convinced him that it will not all be about them. She said that on the Sunday that they were up there, that Russ and Sher (parents of the family friends), were going to do 18 holes at a local course. My Dad with zero emotion gets prepare by bring up his clubs.
So golf day, Russ, Sher, my sister and dad go to the course early in the morning. They are about 8-9 holes into their day. Doing fairly good on the course, up to this point.
My Dad is teeing off on the next hole. He gets set and analyzed what he wants to do with the tee off, but never goes the way he wants it. So he tees off, he said it was the best shot ever on the course. He said it was going straight and easy 200+ yards. Only bad thing happen...About 50 or so yards out a bird swoops down in the path of the ball. And POOF ball drops and so does the bird with feathers speckling the fairway!!! It was kind of like the Randy Johnson incident (see clip), that was said by my dad and sister.

My sister said they were in complete shock with jaws to the ground. When she texted me, I called her up and started laughing. She said it wasn't funny the bird died. I told her, I'm not laughing at the death of the bird...I'm laughing at the fact Dad finally hit a perfect tee shot and was ruined by a 1 in a million chance of a bird swooping in the way!
So about a few weeks back, my dad had a birthday. Since it was right around Halloween I knew I could re-create the event for a gift. So my sister and I found a We bought it and cut a hole in its side. We bought extra feathers and golf balls. We implanted a golf ball in the hole of the bird. We made a plaque stating "In Memory of I.B.Whacked". We then put it in a box and sprinkled feather all over the box with the box of golf balls which were Nike Juice. So we customized the box and it was then called Nike Juiced Golf Balls!!! When my dad open this amazing gift, his reaction is priceless "What the Heck" "OOOOOOK" "This is the Respect I get from my family on my birthday" in a sarcastic voice!!!
Cost Structure of Gift:
Little statue/prop of a crow $8
Extra Feathers $2
Golf Balls $20
Hole in Bird 5 minutes
Customized Golf Ball Box 1 Minute
Plaque 3 Minutes
Dad's Birthday Gift Response "Priceless"
Sitting on my Dad's Desk at work "Classic"

Jordan Update

So my wife tells me that Jordan is going to have Self Conscience issues. Now that I think about it, all I have to say is "I'm Sorry" for now. I know my daughter is going to be like me, unfortunately. To start out, she was born looking mostly like me. That there is a strike. Now she is getting her baby fat, and she is getting a belly like my dad, strike two. And for the third strike, she has a hair line like my dad. Wow, she already has issues. But, you cannot deny this look. So she gets a free base on balls.

Baby Jordan Marie Egbert

July 18th, 2009
6lbs. 15 ozs.
19 in. long

Surprise

Ok, so on April 30 it was our 5 year anniversary. We had plan on taking a long weekend up to a week to go to New Braunfels, TX to go to Schlitterbahn. Schlitterbahn is one of the biggest waterparks in the U.S. So we have been planning on doing this since our last anniversary. Well in November our plans went all the way down the drain for at least a year. Thats when we found out Kristen was pregnant.
So now I had to think of a good gift to give her for our milestone anniversary. Nothing was coming to mind. I let her get a massage but I couldn't leave it at that. So the light turned on when my mom and I were talking. Right when the light went on then my mom said it: "I would be cool if we flew down one of her friends for the the baby shower, like Cody." Thats it, I'm going to do that for our Anniversary/one of her baby gifts. So the pursuit was on, I talked to Cody and she gave it a go. I found the tickets and it was on.
As I was trying to plan the week for her and Cody to hang out. Kristen's delightful boss decides to make her close 6 days within a two week period. I tell Kristen she has to close tuesday to make up for one of the closes and get wednesday and thursday off. Well she fought me with this one cause her delightful manager will not move the schedule unless it is on her acccord. Well after a bicker and a argue, Kristen asks me what is it for. I told her that we were going to visit her mom one night, who is in town for a few weeks. Then we were going to a rockets game thursday night cause I got tickets (yeah it was a fib I told her, Ok I lied to my wife, get off my back!). So after a while, she called me back telling me her manager did switch with her.
Well this wonderful manager is the BIGGEST DOWNER IN THE WORLD! She tells Kristen that there wasn't a Rockets game on thursday, which is today. Kristen doesn't check and finally tells me what her manager said. I remained quiet because I thought I had my days backwards. Finals will do that to ya. So she apoligizes and she know she is getting a gift on Thursday. But I was smarter than that, its coming on Tuesday! Ah Hah! So over the weekend Sean (for those who don't know who Sean is thats Kristen's brother) calls up and needs someone to pick up Kristen's mom. Well Kristen gets off Tuesday night to pick up her mom. Tuesday was the day that Cody was coming into town. So I was little freaked, but fortunately for me we live in a big city that has two airports and they were both coming in in each airport.
So Tuesday came and it all fell into place. Only thing that didn't was Kristen's lack of patience and wanted me to be there when her mom and her arrived at Sean's apartment. I told her I was running late. At this point I learned surprises make you lie alot! Oh well, i'll repent later and say my hail mary's!
Well I picked Cody up and took her over to Sean's house. As I arrived, like always I forget the code to get into Sean's complex. I call Kristen up and ask for the code. As the gate was opening up I told Kristen to come out the car. She asked why and said no. Side note: Sean and Juliet know that I'm surprising Kristen with Cody. So as she says no, they ask why are you saying no and Kristen tells them why. Sean and Juliet say, "just go out, he might have a present for you." Kristen says, "he is not that smooth!" Normally I might not but today, Gotcha! So she finally says, "Ok." So we parked right in front of the pathway where she would walk up. As she walks up she notice far away that a person is in the car. As she walks closer her look gets really pissed off. The look like she is going to rip my head off. I found out later it was because she can see a girl in the car with me. Then as she gets within 10 feet of the car she notices it is Cody. She went from riping my head off pissed to I love you in .5 seconds. She jumped up and down, and picture this she is 7 months pregnant while jumping up and down. Cody and I were laughing our heads off!
So for about 2-3 weeks Kristen had no idea about Cody coming into town for her baby shower. SURPRISE!!!
I will post pictures later of Kristen and Cody and maybe the baby shower.

Danielle's 21st Birthday

On the 18th was my little sister's 21st birthday. As I was looking for her gift, my A.D.D. kicked in and I started to think about how I should wrap her gift. Then while i was thinking of reasons why I should wrap it the way I thought of it and this is what I came up.
First off let me tell you what she got. She got an Ipod touch from my parents, two video games from my brother and Kristen and I. So with the Ipod I thought she deserved this: wrapped in tissue paper, then taped with packaging tape, then wrapped in newspaper, then placed in a box with more newspaper. Then I duct tape the box close. The reason for this not so bad wrapping, well she is a good sister besides the time I remember she would annoy my friends and I when I was younger.
For example, when I was in middle school and Danielle was about 5, Danielle like my friend Bryan because he would play games with her. Not games of torment like my friend Donald and I would always do to her. She deserved it by the way. Bryan would always play different games with her and try to include her in what we were doing. Well one night, Bryan spent the night. We let Danielle play a few games with us. But I was getting tired and we were trying to watch baseball, so I decided to kick Danielle out of my room. Danielle was not going to let that be the end of it. So what did she do, get mom and dad involved, and being the princess she got her way. So we let her in to watch baseball and after a few minutes of being pissed off, I kicked her out Again. Then she would sit at the door and bang on the door with her feet. She would do this while crying, until she didn't get her way, mom and dad put her to bed.
Ok gift number two, video game number one! I took tissue paper and wrapped the video game then taped it with packaging tape, then wrapped it in newspaper, then wrapped it completely in two layers of duct tape. Then I got a bigger box and put the smaller box with the ipod in it, then the video game then a wrapped a brick with newspaper and put it in the box with crumpled newspaper all around it.
Gift number 3,video game, was like gift number two, but more duct tape and we got bigger boxes and put the smaller boxes in it and put more newspaper and another brick. We then duct tape the box close and wrapped the top with the obituaries and then wrapped the rest of the box with wrapping paper and gave it to her.
These gifts took more than 20 minutes for her to open. She was sweating and ready to stab me with the scissors that I gave her after all was said and done.
The reason for all of this dates back to about the same annoying time from last story. We were playing in our front yard. My wonderful little sister who took the title princess seriously was plotting a plan to get me into trouble. Well, I accidently tripped her when we were playing, I think we were playing a baseball game, like home run derby and we were switching up at bats. Well, she decide to start screaming bloody murder, like i just broke something. So I told her she have certain toys of mine, like nintendo, my basketball, my baseball bat and I even told her I would build her a fort if she would shut up. She then after every bribe I can think of, would scream louder and louder. I then could here my parents coming...So I then tried to pick her up, when I tried to pull her up by her arm, not both arms, just one, I pulled her arm out of socket. Soooo, now I was in trouble. They took her to the ER and the doctor put her arm back into socket. I got out of the whole thing was a grounding for a week. All this because of an accidental trip. Oh well, like I told Princess Ericfina, "What comes around, Goes Around" and thats what Danielle got today!!! Happy Birthday Lil' Sis.